Fergie In A Blender / Under The Influence Of Giants

It’s been four score and seven minutes since I last updated the Cylinder. I don’t have much of an excuse for my absence, other than the fact that the wind simply disappeared from my sails, which left me struggling to find a port suitable for the girth of Goulet’s Love Boat (yes, I did make a cameo on the ill-fated series in the 70s).

After months of introspection, I now realize that it is futile to live in the glory days of overflowing mammaries and bountiful bedside pharmaceutical bowls; I must shake off the doldrums of ice and snow and pray for the global warming phenomenon to rear its ugly head. Oh sweet, delicious iceberg, how you melt in my mouth like an aspiring showgirl…

Alas, Goulet has been quite productive during these winter months. Now I shall follow the Astrological path of Nostradomus while paying homage to the genius of Richard Johnson of PageSix fame. I love little baby lambs, so in hopes of overseeing herds of these scantily-clad creatures in due time, I hereby present the feather that will tickle the lion’s most sensitive nerve endings into a menacing roar. Or a horrifying meow…



Various Artists - Fergie In A Blender (Goulet's Self-Indulgent Clusterf*ck)

This one is easy to explain. I simply threw 20 darts at my record collection and vowed to include a sample from each pierced jacket in this subsequent cluster-f*ck. However it does not end there. As a result of this twisted mess, I am planning a benefit that will feature a live performance of this overwrought, self-indulgent ego-stroke to benefit my favorite charity, MABS (Moms Against Breast Sag), which provides enhancement to those who have been ravished by the risks of self-provided child nourishment (SPCN). It’s an epidemic that’s affected millions of mothers around the globe, and I urge you to give what you can. And, yes, that is the Barney Miller theme.






Under The Influence Of Giants - Mama’s Room (Goulet’s Bandito Mezcla)

This remix was influenced by the Golden Girls, Andre the Giant and a trip to Cuba on THC Airlines. Have you traveled with them before? I highly recommend it. It’s like Virgin Airlines for those who are definitely NOT virgins. Free Love in the sky, my little pogo stick.